No Longer

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Look at them! Look at  how beautiful they are. The light that shines from them is wondrous.

This depression I’ve been experiencing lately has been affecting them, I’m sure of it. There are fewer giggles, fewer smiles from both of them – and it’s because of me, because I don’t feel like playing along with their games or reading them yet another story because all I want to do is curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head and hide from the world, and from myself too.

How can I be so selfish? How I feel has nothing to do with them. It’s not their fault, but I’m taking it out on them. They are reaping what I sow.

My children are my life. Just about every parent knows what I’m talking about. My life is completely different to what is was like before they came along, but I could never go back to that life knowing what I know now, knowing just how they’ve enriched my life.

And its for this reason, plus a few others, that I’ve decided that this depression will have control NO LONGER!

I’m sucking it up people! I’m getting my shit together and doing what I need to make my children laugh and smile like they used to. I’m laughing and smiling along with them – and as fake as it feels sometimes, it’s starting to feel a little bit more natural everyday.  I’ve starting exercising more. By the end of it, I’m tired, but I feel so much better.

So here’s hoping that things begin looking up. And if it doesn’t soon, I’ll be going to the doctor to discuss my options. I am not going to let this depression defeat my children as well as me!

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2 Comments »

  1. Rebel Said:

    Aww sweetie, I know how hard it is, and you are gonna do this… just know that medicating is not such a bad thing, so if you really feel like you need them, then ask for them. You don’t have to take them forever either!!

    Hang in there!!

  2. Heidi Said:

    I hope you are feeling better now and have talked with your doc. Your kids are lucky to have such a wonderful mother, one who knows when she needs help. Thinking of you.


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